The Grind

Maternity leave came to a grinding halt Tuesday with me, Holden and Riley making a seemingly effortless departure, on time, out the door. My return to the office is bittersweet, with me only somewhat happy to be back. I jumped right in with a couple stories and got busy catching up on my beat, but my thoughts often returned to days of lounging with babylicious cheeks to kiss at my disposal. When normally I'd be returning from yoga at the Y for a long nap on the couch Riley, I was in court listening to a parade of tearful women recount how the man who raped them ruined their lives. It's a weird transition.

On my lunch break, I went to Trader Joe's to buy Holden's beloved Mac & Cheese, which I forgot to buy last week, despite spending $83 on food and having gone there specifically to buy it. This is what happens on little sleep. But I digress. I looked around at the busy store and was able to group the customer's into three categories: Workers on their lunchbreaks, moms with young children and old people. I was dressed the part and acting the part of the worker on a lunch break, but I couldn't help but look with jealousy at the mom's giving tickles to giggly babies riding in car seats. Just a few days ago, I belonged in their group. Now, I appeared to be an outsider looking in, even though I related more to them than the office goers.



For his part, Holden got a little teary at daycare drop-off. But his spirits seemed buoyed by the presence of his baby brother. We're hoping that Holden's recent habit of whining incessantly and waking up at all hours of the night will diminish with the re-establishment of routine and structure.



Riley's transition from hanging around the house to daycare seemed seamless. He got a good report, took some long, good naps and ate well. We're not entirely sure how he did - his teacher said he was fine, but Holden reported that he cried "a lot." Who to believe? When we got home, he was pretty pooped, but I pushed him to stay awake a bit longer so I could spend some time with him. I'm starting to get that guilty someone-else-raising-my-child-and-getting-to-cuddle-him-all-day feeling. It was some consolation that Riley seemed to miss me too. He latched on that night and kept sucking until he couldn't hold on anymore. I had a harder time letting go.