Closer to Normal

I've been back at work for two weeks now, and I'm starting to see a shift towards normalcy. For one, my feet don't hurt anymore after wearing normal shoes all day. Second, I actually got out of the house Saturday night to play poker with some work friends - something I hadn't done since pre-Riley.

What's weird, though, is that non-work days still feel more normal to me than work days. The last two weekends - filled with laundry, dishes, hanging around the house, errands and a few fun kid activities - seem way more familiar to me than the regular work day. This is a shift in my post maternity leave world.

Yesterday was a holiday for some (including daycare). Grandma Bonnie was wonderful to take Holden Sunday night and keep him all day Monday, leaving me and Riley alone for the entire day for the first time in a month. I decided to skip the errands and kept the chores to a minimum so I could bask in his drooly giggles. We laughed, we played, we lounged in bed until 10:30 a.m. Riley never even got out of his pajamas. We fell right back into our maternity leave way-of-life.

Since I've been back at work, a lot of people have asked how I'm re-adjusting. Luckily, I enjoy my job so it isn't a drag to be there. A lot of the fears and drama that surrounded the newspaper's sale have subsided and, amazingly, the more we learn about the new regime, the better it sounds. I'm resembling a closer shade of my normal self now, leaving each morning - on time - with hair dry and make-up on. Saying good-bye to the boys at daycare is still hard, especially Riley - whose every extremity vibrates with excitement when I lean over to kiss his big cheeks for the last time. As nice as it is to be among adults, using my brain and learning new things all day - I still look forward to the end of the day with Riley. He nurses for a long time, his soft, warm hand exploring my lower face. Afterward, he lulls sleepily in my arms, stroking my hands with his while I sing Circle Game.

I often worry that it's impossible to "have it all." Little by little, I'm realizing I do.