Turn and Face the Strange

About a year ago, we experienced the joy of moving to a new home and starting a new preschool for Riley, all in a 24-hour period. That just forced us to raise the bar for this year's end-of-the-summer transition. This year, I started a new job (with an hour commute each way) and Holden had his first day of first grade, all in the same two-day period. And, for kicks, a first soccer practice for Holden was thrown into the mix ... along with an ant attack of massive proportions.

One thing at a time, though. First, the job.

To bring you up to speed, here is what I wrote to the Daily Breeze readers to explain the change. Here is how I explained it to my colleagues:

It’s hard to look back at 25 years of goal-directed behavior and decide to veer off path. For as long as I can remember, I’ve always wanted to be a newspaper reporter. And, for the last 15 years, I’ve been living that dream. But, like all good dreams, you have to wake up some time, and face reality.

My reality now is two young boys who deserve to have their own dreams fulfilled, whatever they may be. For the last few years, like almost every reporter I know, I’ve existed under a cloud of uncertainty. The lack of job security hangs over my dream, and my children’s future dreams, like a dark, thunderous cloud ready to strike unexpectedly. Like a nightmare.

Most the time, despite the stress, it’s a lot of fun. I love the thrill of a breaking news story, everyone hunkered down trying to figure out who the killer is and why he did what he did. I love the thrill of watching justice served in emotional courtroom dramas. I love being in the newsroom, filled with funny, smart, dramatic, entertaining and supportive people. But there are many days when the unpredictability, deadline pressure, lack of resources and mean-spirited user comments take their toll. When those days began to outnumber the others, I knew it was time for a change.

I will always believe in newspapers, especially scrappy ones like the Daily Breeze, where a team of reporters and editors are working their asses off to do real good journalism under less than ideal conditions. I would be lying if I said I don’t feel guilt and am undergoing a bit of an identity crisis. But this just feels like the right move, at the right time

I'm now two days into my new job as a writer/editor in the public affairs department of First 5 L.A. I can't say I love it ... yet. I can say it doesn't suck. I wish I can say the move has brought me a windfall of extra income. It has brought me a change of direction and pace when I needed it, and it feels kinda good to be out of my comfort zone. I feel secure for the future for now. Change is hard and this one didn't come without a lot of tears and debate. Down moments last weekend were sometimes met with panic. I hoped I made the right choice. I don't know yet if I have - I believe time will tell. But I feel at peace with my decision, and I'm gonna just go with that for now. I've received lots of wonderful support from Kevin and many friends, colleagues, professional contacts and family members - and that means more than I could ever say.

There are, of course, trade offs. Putting aside the whole journalism thing, the other hard part is the commute to downtown L.A. Which means Kevin is point parent for pick-up after school, and most nights I won't be home until around 6:30 - an hour later than before. Which means, every week, this already guilt-ridden, full-time job mommy is spending five hours less with her kids than before.

Today was Holden's first day of first grade. When I came in and asked, while he was eating dinner, how the first day was, he replied: "I already told Dad." Sniff.




Then came the rush-rush of finish dinner, homework, baths and bed. Finally, through heavy eyelids and with an exhausted voice, he told me about his day, where he sat in the classroom and that his teacher, Ms. Laster, seems nice.

With new beginnings - be it a job, soccer season or school year - comes the inevitable sense that things are changing (and an endless wave of emergency contact forms to fill out). Change is scary and hard, and this week so far has proven that. But with change comes excitement, challenge and learning. I think we're ready.

Distinguished? If They Only Knew!

Sometimes, you're going about your business thinking, "Hey, this is cool. I did a pretty good job there!" But, you think no one but you really notices. I'm here to tell you that, occasionally, they do!

I've never been the kind of person to win awards or get recognized for excellence of any kind. In fact, I've prided myself in a living a life of mediocrity and flying below the radar! So it was with great surprise and honor that I learned that the Los Angeles Chapter of the Society of Professional Journalists had selected me as the 2009 Distinguished Journalist of the Year.

On Tuesday, April 27, my colleagues, family and I attended the awards banquet. Here are a few pictures from the evening. What follows is a copy of the article the Daily Breeze ran upon the announcement of the award.

I selected Assistant City Editor Josh Grossberg to introduce me. He did a great job with a heartfelt and warm speech:

The organizers of the event made a point to REPEATEDLY tell the honorees, "No speeches." Apparently, journalists don't like to be told to shut up. The honorees who received their awards before me launched into several minutes of platitudes each. I kept it short with a few "thank yous."
The keynote speaker for the night was Roxana Saberi, a journalist who wrote a book about her experience of being imprisoned in Iran. She was lovely, spirited and interesting. My sister bought me a copy of her book and had it signed, and I can't wait to read it,:



Daily Breeze reporter Nix honored with Distinguished Journalist Award
By Larry Altman Staff Writer
Posted: 02/03/2010 02:28:06 PM PST

The Greater Los Angeles Chapter of the Society of Professional Journalists has honored Daily Breeze staff writer Denise Nix with a Distinguished Journalist Award.

Nix is the 2009 honoree for newspapers with less than 100,000 circulation. The award established in 1976 honors print, broadcast and now online journalists who "demonstrate good news judgment, a strong sense of ethics and a passion for getting the story right."

Honorees are journalists who have amassed a strong body of work for several years.

"At a time when newspapers are shrinking and journalists are constantly being challenged to protect the integrity and purpose of the profession, it's nice that the hard work and local reporting that I and my colleagues at the Daily Breeze do everyday is appreciated," Nix said.

"I'd like to thank the SPJ board for this honor and my colleagues, past and present, for their support and encouragement over the years."

During her 15-year career, Nix has worked at the Los Angeles Daily Journal, The Associated Press and Daily Breeze, primarily covering the law, both civil and criminal. She has worked as the Daily Breeze's court reporter since 2001.

Nix also contributes to the Daily Breeze's Crime & Courts blog and maintains an online court tracker.

"The kinds of stories Denise writes help bring closure," Daily Breeze Editor Toni Sciacqua said.

"When we write about a crime, we usually know what happened, but sometimes we don't know how or why.

"That's the kind of detail that comes out in a courtroom. Denise puts it all together for us. Sometimes she has to track a story for years, from the arrest to the final verdict, to get the whole picture."

A graduate of California State University, San Francisco, Nix lives in the South Bay with her husband, Kevin, and two sons.

The other honorees are KCBS/KCAL reporter Dave Lopez for television; KNX reporter Claudia Peschiutta for radio; Los Angeles Times staff writer Andrew Blankstein for print journalism with a circulation more than 100,000; and WitnessLA.com editor Celeste Fremon for new media.
An award dinner will be held in April.

Previous Daily Breeze employees honored with the Distinguished Journalist Award are columnist John Bogert in 1997, former Managing Editor Jean Adelsman in 2001, and reporter Larry Altman in 2006. Former Copley News Service correspondent David Zahniser won in 2005.

Two Tickets To Paradise

Sometimes, my job really has its perks. Recently, I got to spend the day on Catalina Island to report on the new Trans-Catalina Trail that just opened. You can read my blog entry about the adventure here, which also includes a link to the story I did for the paper. Here are some of my photos of the adventure:

Bison:Daily Breeze photographer Sean Hiller:
I bailed on the Jeep when it seemed my life depended on it:

Good-bye 5215 Torrance Blvd.

As some of you may know, the newspaper I work for, the Daily Breeze, has undergone a lot of changes the last two years. The paper was sold to Media News Group and the property where we worked from since 1965 was sold to a hospital. We were supposed to be out long ago. Finally, this past Friday, we put out our last paper from this historic Torrance Boulevard plant.

Once, about 400 workers swarmed the building as every bit of the product was done on site. Now, there are probably about 60 or so of us left, with outsourcing, lay-offs and such. Despite moving to some shiny new digs a couple miles up the road, times remain uncertain. In the last few weeks, we've undergone another round of lay-offs, learned that the newspaper will be designed and edited 35 miles away, lost our 401k matches and were told to take five unpaid days off in the next two months.

Here's a few shots from the last days at our old location:Me in "Lake Singleton" with fellow reporters Andrea Woodhouse, Larry Altman and Gene Maddaus.

It's My Bread and Butter

Big changes are abound all around. You may have noticed a few design upgrades and we added some more links. Take a look! And if you have a blog you want us to link to, let us know.


And while you're looking, be sure to check out the Daily Breeze Crime & Courts Blog. It's all new and is, apparently, the future of journalism. I may be a click whore, but every hit counts! So I invite you to bookmark it and visit often. If you don't live in the South Bay or Crime & Courts aren't your thing ... do it anyway. Really. Please.

Now, Where Did We Put That Other Foot?

A little more than a year after the Daily Breeze was sold by Copley to Media News Group, the Other Foot has dropped. More than that. It was a foot clad in a steel-toed work boot and it didn't so much as drop as come stomping on through. We lost nine people in the editorial department last night. The Daily News, one of our sister papers and the group's flagship publication, is losing 22 today, and unknown number of staffers at the Long Beach Press Telegram, also in our group, will be laid off today. Good times.

Check out LAObserved, which does a good job of keeping tabs on all things media and Los Angeles, if you're interested in that sort of thing.

So now, I check my e-mail and my voicemail, will scan the headlines and head to court, then write my story. It feels weird and normal all at the same time. I'm pretty sure my job is not in jeopardy (I think) (at this point). But it really makes you think.... I feel sad for the industry, those of us in it and for the people in the community who really enjoy a good read about their local haps with their morning cup of Joe.

I Left Him For This?

It's been a year since I returned to work following six months of maternity leave with Riley. I cannot believe how quick it went. The only thing that makes the time passage obvious is Riley and all the ways he's changed.

During all that glorious one-on-one time with him, we had it pretty good. We took three hour naps together cuddled on the couch, we went to the mommy movies and we had lots of time relaxing - him nursing away, me watching bad daytime television. Toward the end, I tried really hard to memorize him and that time. I'd stare at him while he slept on the Boppy after a good meal, and try to commit to memory every feature: His puckered lips, full cheeks and long lashes. His body and hands were so small. I was convinced I'd remember it all, and feed off of it in the months to come when I returned to work.

But now, a year later, the only way I can remember tiny Riley is by photographs. Even when I close my eyes and try to picture him, I fear the memories I conjure are the photographs I have surrounding me at work. And as I grapple with some less-than-ideal work situations, I can't help but be haunted by the possibility that I made a mistake. Although I love the work I do, and find it rewarding, fulfilling, challenging and interesting, I can't help but think of all the time I could've had with the kids if I didn't return.

The boys just went back to daycare after a 12-day break. Kevin had the entire time off, I worked four of the days. Being with the kids 24/7 was a lot of work. But, although in a different way, it was also rewarding, fulfilling, challenging and interesting. I think the lesson here is that there is no perfect, ideal situation. We have to do whatever is necessary so that, when we wake up each morning, we can face the day with anticipation. And when we go to bed each night, we can look back and feel we made a difference and had fun.

Being a full-time worker/parent obviously has it's difficulties. I miss those kids so much during the day. But at night and on the weekends, I appreciate them so much more. Every family has to do what's right for them. After a year, I know we're doing what works best for us. Even if I were home all day, his baby days are gone and he'd be raring to go to preschool soon, anyway. I just wish those baby days could be captured again and, just once in a while, Riley would lay his sleepy head on my shoulder and breath soft baby breaths into my neck.

Denise and a Murderer

Photo: Scott Varley/Daily Breeze

Yes, I do work. This was right before the verdict was announced. That's a Bible he's got with him. Didn't do him much good.

Ex-KFC worker guilty of Torrance murder

Jury in 1984 cold case finds William Marshall killed 21-year-old store manager during attempted robbery.
By Denise Nix
Staff Writer

A 46-year-old former Department of Forestry captain was unable to escape his past Friday as a jury found him guilty in the murder of a Torrance restaurant manager 23 years ago.

Robin Hoynes' three sisters and mother clutched their hands together, and someone whispered "Yes" as a court clerk announced that William Marshall was guilty.

Marshall showed no reaction to the verdict. He returns to court Oct. 26 for sentencing to a mandatory term of life in prison without the possibility of parole.

Simon Aval, Marshall's defense attorney, declined to comment.

The Torrance Superior Court jury deliberated about a day before finding Marshall guilty of first-degree murder, the special circumstance of killing during an attempted robbery and personally using a deadly weapon.

Marshall killed Hoynes, a 21-year-old Whittier resident, when he returned to the Kentucky Fried Chicken outlet, where he once worked, with robbery in mind.

While Marshall was always a suspect, he wasn't arrested until the cold case was reopened several years ago and he was indicted by a grand jury in 2006.

Outside court after the verdict, Hoynes' family and friends hugged and cried after their long wait for justice. They expressed gratitude to the Torrance police detectives and Deputy District Attorney John Lewin.

"A lot of people worked very hard for us to get the vindication we have today," Kim Hoynes, Hoynes' older sister, said as she wiped away tears.

Ethel Hoynes called the jurors "wonderful."

"It's been a long time coming," said the victim's mother. "We've waited 23 years for this."

Although the conviction doesn't ease the pain for family members, Lewin said it was worth the effort to see their reaction.

"I'm so happy to be a part of it," he said, adding that he appreciates District Attorney Steve Cooley's commitment to cold cases despite the legal obstacles.

"He did it, win or lose," Lewin added.

Some of the jurors who spoke briefly with reporters said they went over every piece of evidence.

What stuck out to them, they said, was the damning combination of a piece of shoe foam found at the crime scene and the revelation decades later by Marshall's ex-girlfriend that she had lied, and he had confessed.

Evidence presented during the trial showed that Marshall worked at the KFC as an assistant manager in Torrance for only a couple of weeks before he was terminated.

His boss at the time testified Marshall kept showing up late, had asked for cash advances and was a prime suspect in two thefts.

Much of the two-week trial focused on who had access to the outside doors and concrete-encased floor safe of the now-gone restaurant at 165 Palos Verdes Blvd.

The evidence showed Marshall no longer had keys to the restaurant and that the combination to the safe was changed after his termination - but he did not know it.

On Oct. 30, 1984, as Hoynes worked by herself after hours doing paperwork, Marshall came to the employee door and Hoynes let him in.

Scientific and circumstantial evidence proves what happened next, Lewin told the jury during closing arguments.

Hoynes knew Marshall was a suspected thief, so she likely dropped the day's cash receipts into the safe before letting him in - even though the store's policy was to take the money to the bank or home that night.

Marshall, thinking he knew the combination to the safe, stabbed Hoynes twice in the back. A medical examiner and a tool mark expert told the jury that she likely never saw it coming.

Then Marshall went to the safe. Two small specks of blood found on it were from Hoynes, and pry marks on the safe show he tried to break in after the combination he tried didn't work.

Marshall, unsuccessful in his attempt to get the cash, then slashed Hoynes' throat as she lay dead or dying.

He fled, but left behind a piece of evidence that would prove key when the cold case was reopened by Torrance detectives 20 years later: a piece of shoe foam.

The yellowish, spongy object perplexed investigators until it was linked two decades later to a pair of boots Marshall was wearing when he was arrested 10 days after the murder.

Two times after Hoynes' murder, Marshall was seen casing the Fountain Valley Kentucky Fried Chicken where he had worked before a transfer to the Torrance outlet.

Lewin had argued that Marshall's aborted attempts to rob the other KFC was evidence he perpetrated the crimes at the Torrance restaurant.

At the time, charges were not filed against Marshall, who went on to become a captain for the state Department of Forestry in Riverside. He has a family, including at least two young adult children who came to court on the first day of closing arguments.

When the case was reopened, newer science allowed for a fresh examination of some of the evidence.

But some things changed, too.

For one, Marshall's former girlfriend, Yvonne Williams, finally told police that Marshall confessed to stabbing a female restaurant manager in the days after the murder.

Williams also said an alibi she provided to detectives the day after the murder - that Marshall was home with her enjoying a spaghetti dinner - was a lie.

Guilty.

The jury returned with their verdict yesterday. I don't think it was a surprise ending.

I spoke with some of the jurors afterwards, who, as usual, were gun-shy to share. I'm not sure why jurors sometimes don't want to talk about their deliberations or the evidence. Are they afraid of being judged? Or is it just part of that general feel people have recently that they don't want the media to intrude on their lives? Anyway, they did say a little, and all agreed that this was not one of their most favorite experiences ever.

Juror #7, a British guy who sat closest to where I sat during the trial, and who visibly had much difficulty with things like the coroner's photo and the 911 tape, pulled me aside. I learned from the prosecutor he had an infant, so that may have contributed to his obvious emotion. He wanted to know if they did the right thing. He asked what I would've done.

I told him I would've walked in undecided, but probably would've needed more convincing he was not guilty than guilty. I assured him, though, that they did the right thing.

Verdict Watch

The jury's been deliberating for a day now. My closing arguments story is here. I don't envy the jury their job right now.

Trial Update

For those of you interested in following the progression of that trial I'm covering, you can find the next installment here.

It just speaks for itself.

You Can't. Even. Imagine.

There are a lot of things I like about being a legal reporter: the challenge, the drama, the realness of it all. Sometimes, though, the realness and the drama ARE the challenge for me. Once in awhile, I get a case that just gets you where you breathe. This week, one of those went to trial.

Sitting through a murder child for a 6-month-old baby can be hard for ANYBODY. But I can't help thinking of the boys, especially Riley - who was about the same age as little Sean when he died. I don't know if Sean was murdered or if he died of natural causes. Even after the jury returns with its verdict, I feel we may never really know what happened to him.

But it doesn't matter.

All that matters is there was a little boy with rosy red lips and sweet cherub cheeks, who sang "la-la-la" while playing and whose mother called him "Little Man" and who no longer exists. It seems unfathomable. And so wholly tragic.

Sitting in court, holding back tears, my mind kept returning to Riley. So full of laughter and life. His rosy red lips and sweet cherub cheeks so warm and soft. I just wanted the day to end so I could get to daycare and kiss and hug my own Little Man.



The trial is expected to end Tuesday or Wednesday. It's going to be a tough few days.

Make Love, Not War

Every once in awhile, I have to work a Sunday shift. This is usually a pain, but it has it's benefits - like a comp day mid-week to do whatever I please with. Most the time, these shifts are boring and I find myself on assignments that are not newsworthy, but they have "good art" and can easily take up 15 inches of newsprint.

This past Sunday, I was assigned to cover a peace rally at Polliwog Park in Manhattan Beach, which is one of Holden's favorite weekend haunts. More than 350 people were probably there, many of them in families, to bring attention to what they term is a senseless war with many thousands of U.S. troops being killed for no reason. Since I'm a reporter and am supposed to stay neutral on the topics I cover, at least publicly, we'll leave it at that.

But, it did get me thinking. What do we do with our time? And what are we teaching our kids to do with theirs? I couldn't help but admire these people for getting off their duff on what started as a dreary, rainy morning to make themselves heard - and show their children, and everyone else's children, the importance of having a voice. I've never been one to protest or have radical public opinions on current events and politics (and frankly, while attending college in San Francisco, the Protest Capital of the World, I got pretty annoyed with those I described as "professional protestors," willing to hold signs and chant about anything). However, while we're busy instilling values like education, an appreciation of the outdoors and empathy – I’m wondering if we’re failing to stress an important one: Making A Difference.

I have to admit, I actually hate that phrase because it is the tagline of the Daily Breeze and we’re supposed to be out there making a difference and inspiring others to do the same. I now know that’s not true – they really want us out there making them money. Lots and lots of money. But I digress. I’m now wondering about the example we’re setting for Holden and Riley by our dearth of charitable and selfless activities.

Sure, we often contribute blood and money to the Red Cross and make various donations to some pet funds, like those that protect the environment and research deadly diseases. When there’s a natural disaster somewhere in the world, we whip our checkbook right out. But it’s really not THAT much. Maybe we need to combine our lessons and get out there, get physical – either with our bodies or are voices – and show them how to stand up for what they believe in. We don’t have to be chanting “One, Two, Three, Four, We Don’t Want Your Stinkin’ War!” to demonstrate ways to give back to our community.

We try modeling polite and kind behavior, and we can tell that Holden is already thoughtful. But maybe, when we got about our weekends, we might want to take some time to pick a few pieces of trash up off the beach or take some clothing and toys to those who need it. It won’t be the most fun we had, but it will be worth it.

Officially Official

The Daily Breeze has been sold. The details are here.

I still don't really know what this means. The editor gave me a heads up Thursday and I went into the office Friday to see for myself the new owner, Dean Singleton, a man a fellow reporter called the Pac Man of Newspapers.

Huh?

So, an article ran in Friday's paper that is the tip of the iceberg in my professional career. There is nothing like finding out what's going on with your job than reading about it in the paper.

I've read this article twice now, and, considering I write about legal mumbo jumbo for a living, I have no idea what any of this really means. Totally confused. In addition, nobody has any idea how this will transfer to real life.

I think, though, I've been lucky to avoid a lot of the drama associated with the sale of the paper, since I'm still on maternity leave. And for the first time in my life, I can actually picture being happy not returning to an office-type job for a little while and being a... wait for it... Stay At Home Mom - at least on a temporary basis.

Shocking, I know. I love my job and feel as if I'm living a dream to have a career that I've always wanted. I generally go to work happy every day. And believe me, there were jobs where Sunday night rolled around and I would literally vomit at the idea of returning. My job's not perfect - but it's challenging, fun and interesting.

But being at home with Riley these last few months has been wonderful. We stay busy - there are constantly errands and chores to be done. A lot of what's made it fun, too, I realize, is that a couple friends are also on maternity leave with their babies, and we like to hang. But, in general, Riley is so easy and fun to be with - I genuinely enjoy his company. We've become quite a pair. He's my constant companion, confidante and giggle buddy.

I regret that, by the time Holden and I got to this level - beyond the hours of newborny crying and never sleeping - it was about the time I had to return to work. I feel so lucky that I got to experience a more relaxed version of maternity leave. Motherhood 2.0.

While a career as a Mom requires much more physical and emotional energy than anything else I imagine I could do, I feel for the first time that being a SAHM could be as challenging, fun and interesting as any other job.

My professional future is a bit blurry now - the possibilities seem endless if this job hits the skids. It's just nice knowing that I have options. And one of those options, which seemed out of the realm of my scope of possibilities, might just be the most rewarding.

For Sale

A story today in the newspaper I work for, the Daily Breeze, makes even murkier an already muddy subject considering the future of the newspaper ... and thus my future as a professional journalist.

Originally, we were told in June that, due to the bad economics of newspaper advertising in light of the recent trend to cluster publications by region, we were looking for a partner, alliance or buyer. At the time, the (now former) editor explained we were dropping our handkerchief hoping a courting lover will retrieve it. For months, they've been telling us an announcement is "expected any day." I won't go into the perceived effects this news has had on morale. My job is already in jeopardy, and I don't want to make it worse by getting dooced.