Riley: 5 Years

A few weeks ago, we had some friends over for happy hour. Raj and Shruthi have a nearly 2-year-old and an infant and I think we scared them by showing them the Ghost of Children Future. However, I’ll be eternally grateful to Shruthi for laughing hysterically at a very typical exchange I had with Riley, because, I realized, I get so caught up in these Chinese Water Torture moments with him, I forget really how ludicrous they are:

Riley: (With his hand in the empty bowl that once contained tortilla chips) “Can I have more chips?”

Me: “Sorry, bug, there’s none left.”

Riley: “I want more chips.”

Me: “I know. There aren’t any.”

Riley: “Can I have more chips?” (Hand still in the empty bowl)

Me: “Riley! No!”

Riley: “But I want more chips.”

That’s the point where Shruthi lost it. I don’t blame her, cause it’s so ridiculous it is funny. At nearly 5 years old, we expected to have far less of these conversations than we do. But we have several of these a day. The kid’s just stubborn (I KNOW he can hear me - he just had his hearing tested at the doctor!). Disagreements over plate colors or who takes a bath first can go on and on. It’s infuriating now, but I hope one day it will pay off big for him when he’s pitching the winning proposal, convincing his fellow lawmakers why they need to raise the debt ceiling or arguing for his freedom to a judge. Don’t they say that perseverance is the first step on the path to success?

There’s a lot of things Riley still does that I expected (hoped) he would not be doing by now. I know, I know - don’t compare siblings. But by the time kindergarten started, Holden was all about being reasonable, taking let-downs with understanding and, most of all, following directions simply because he wanted to please. Riley, though, is sometimes a lot like a big 2-year-old. And I say this even while acknowledging the fact that he has come so very, very far - further than I could have ever imagined.

He’s still taking his medication nightly, for whatever undiagnosed condition he has whose symptoms include manic, impulsive and aggressive behavior. We did try once, months ago, to wean him - but realized after a week we weren’t there yet. We’re glad that he is kinda self weaning as he grows larger (making the dose smaller). We’re hoping, though, to try again in a few months after he’s established himself in kindergarten.

It’s a big year for Riley. He’s just a few weeks from starting kindergarten (a decision we grappled with and that you can read about here). I’m equally worried about how he’ll behave and excited for all the new things he’ll learn. I’m hoping that some of that learning will involve self-control, actions and consequences and the ability to reason. A mom can dream, right?

But, for all the problems we’ve had with Riley, we do take a step back and realize how great he is in so many ways. You’ve never met a more cuddly and loving kid than Riley. He begins and ends each day by snuggling with us and telling us repeatedly, “I will love you always.” He worships Holden and I’m continually surprised at just how little conflict, and how much fun, they have when they are together (even if their type of playing, which involves wrestling, loud noises and messes, grates my nerves).

Above all, Riley likes to laugh, and make people do the same. I see a budding performer in him. He does great at his Music ‘n Motion dance classes and gets a kick out of telling “jokes,” making funny noises and faces and anything that causes infectious laughter.

He still has plenty of endearing Rileyisms, too: He asks us to “uninside out” his clothes, requests “gogyurt” with breakfast and wants a “gabloon” when he gets a haircut. His speech is still emerging into clarity, but I’m hoping that by tackling his recently-diagnosed allergies we can start to clear him up a bit. This is especially important with kindergarten and all that learning just around the corner.

For all his problems in preschool, he remained a good student who was eager to learn. His teachers comment frequently on how bright he is and, although he thinks he’s being silly a lot, you can tell the synapses are being fired and the thoughts are getting more complex. In addition to showing the early signs of reading (like asking what letter words start with, attempting to sound-out words and recognizing sight words), Riley is often bringing up things like the Earth and sky, how plants and people grow and, sadly, how they die. (Recently, he asked me if I was “old” because “when you’re old you could die.”)

And now, for the yearly letter:

Dear Ra,

It’s the night before your 5th birthday and you just told me you were excited to turn 5 because you want to be a big boy and learn a lot. This was the first conversation we had about your birthday that didn’t involve presents or cake. I love when we have real talks and I get insight into the things that make you happy, like elephants and bi-planes (still). We spend so much time trying to avert whiny melt-downs from you, I sometimes lose sight of how easy it is to make you happy … and how much I love to do it.

While we often have to say “no” and put our battle gear on, it’s those moments when we’re all laughing and relaxed that I love the most. When you’re focused, whether on a book, conversation or your playing, it is the most brilliant thing to witness. You have it in you to do whatever you want to do, and I look forward to the coming years when I know you’ll start to find your own passions and talents.

I know there will be lots of frustrating moments as we continue along. But I know you are a capable, strong, smart and friendly boy who will do great at everything you try. I can’t wait to see all that you do.

I love you always,
Ma-Ma