Taking Stock

There have been some sad and scary things happen recently that have caused me to pause, look around, and take stock.

In the last couple of years, we've lost some friends to heart attacks or cancer. They were all fit men in their 30's or early 40's. Most recently, a college pal of mine, Chris Stevens, died suddenly this week of a heart attack. He was a fun and funny guy, always up for anything: Dinner in Chinatown, a Giants game or a Sunday afternoon at the local Irish pub.

We've had other friends battle cancer, some who still are. We've had our own medical mysteries to contend with, too, that you can't help but eye wearily in the wake of repeated bad news.

For a few weeks there, I somehow pushed through not knowing if a lump I found under my arm was benign or not. After an ultrasound and mammogram, it appears to be benign ... but my doctor insisted I get a second opinion and, likely, a biopsy. I'm feeling more relaxed about it than I was before. But, I feel like lately, I can't seem to shake that "you just never know" feeling about life's end.

So, sometimes, when we're all just buzzing around the house, doing out routine, I find myself stopping and taking it all in. I see the boys sharing a chair at the computer while they play games online or watch episodes of "The Electric Company," and they laugh and smile, their big heads bobbing close together. I watch as Kevin rough-houses with the boys, eliciting giggle after giggle as he tickles them relentlessly. I listen as the boys play "pretend," flying their airplanes and helicopters around the living room staging daring rescues.

And I think: "This is all worth living for."