You know by now all about his big, sweet heart, academic successes and athletic ways. But maybe what doesn't come across is how hard he tries at just being good. It's not always easy, we're learning, for a young boy to be, simply, good.
In October, not far into the school year, Holden was having a few bad weeks. He was coming home and crying at night, complaining: "Everyone is being mean to me" and adding the obligatory: "I don't want to go to school anymore." It took some prodding, but we soon got him to open up that it wasn't so much everyone as one boy - his best frienemy, really. He said he was getting in trouble in school for talking during class, but that he was only trying to get this kid, a good friend from CDC and kindergarten, to leave him alone. Kevin and Holden had a good man-to-man, heart-to-heart about it and, basically, Kevin told Holden to stay away from this kid and forbid him from being his friend.A couple days later, we met with his teacher, Mrs. Laster. She said Holden was one of her brighter students, but also one of her more loud and wiggly ones. When we told her that, according to Holden, a lot of his in-class noise was his trying to get this kid to leave him alone, she said she didn't realize that - just thought they were goofing off together as partners in crime. She also mentioned that things had changed dramatically in the last couple days before we met (since the talk).
He kept his distance from that kid for a while, and things seemed to have settled down. Since then, Holden regularly comes home with notes proclaiming he had a "fantastic" or "great" day. But, despite all of his hard work controlling his over-eager mouth and energetic body, the greatest prize a first grader could get for the greatest behavior he could muster remained elusive: Lunch with the Teacher.That was, until a couple weeks ago. I came home from work and, as I was flipping through mail and getting settled, I noticed him eagerly digging through his backpack. He came running over with the slip of paper announcing his award. And boy did we celebrate! He felt so fantastic at his accomplishment, and explained how she noticed him three times that day sitting quietly, with his hands folded neatly in front of him.
He is, of course, not perfect. And, I have to admit, one of the things about him that drives us absolutely nuts is his penchant for forgetting things like jackets, his lunch box and homework assignments at school. Not a week goes by that I'm not digging around in the lost-and-found, picking through the bazillions of moldy, smelly navy blue sweatshirts looking for his. I know we're not alone in this - our friends complain their kids do the same. I've threatened to buy him a bright pink sweatshirt and use glowing orange duct tape on it. We've also tried penalizing him at the end of the week by taking away Wii on the weekends when his belongings are not all accounted for. But, we're so busy and he has so many interests, it didn't seem to deter him and he had plenty of other fun on the weekends.
A week or so ago, my friend Maggie told me her nearly 8-year-old son was writing standards for some other similarly mundane, yet annoying, transgression. "Brilliant!" I thought. On Monday, we told Holden that 25 standards awaited him on the weekend if he didn't have everything home on Friday. He apparently only half-listened because, on Monday, while he didn't come home with his jacket, he came home with this:
See? That's the thing about Holden. He wants really badly to do the right thing and, when he doesn't, he takes his punishment in stride. He knows he screwed up and he takes responsibility. He feels genuinely bad and frustrated with himself. Maybe we're expecting too much from a first grader. But when your kid is as self-aware as Holden, it's hard not to.
The best thing about Holden is, and apparently always will be, his sweet, sensitive disposition. Most the time, it's amazing how he just "gets" it. He hates confrontation, but knows how to compromise. He chooses his battles and is always trying his best, even when he isn't doing it. As each birthday comes, I always wonder if this will be the year that he'll become that kid - the one who is embarrassed to hug and kiss his parents or cry. He is full of love and wonder, warmth and patience, energy and pride. It is truly a pleasure to spend time with him, to talk with him and hear what's on his mind. He is fun to play with, competitive and a formidable opponent.But above all else, he is Holden. And that means more than words could ever describe.
Happy Birthday, sweet boy.
We love you,
Mama and Dada
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