Riley: Four Years

We put a lot of hope on the Number Four. Some of us have given up that hope. Others of us are still thinking that a lot can change in the next 365 days. When we look back at the last year, it doesn't seem, in the big picture, that all that much has changed with Riley. But, to be fair, that is just not accurate. He's a small guy, so we have to remember that it is the small things that count. And Riley had a lot of small accomplishments to count this year!

He's worked very hard on establishing his own personality. We always knew he had a fun-loving and funny spirit, but Riley spends a lot of time trying to evoke smiles from those around him. Sometimes, he does it in ways that are super annoying or carelessly cause damage or pain, but his heart is usually in the right place. He jumps around the room, flapping his arms and giggling while yelling: "Watch this!" before letting out a string of incoherent and loud baby-like babbles, punctuated with a "bbbbllltth" through his lips at the end. He always laughs and says, "Did you see that?"
His biggest fan, amazingly, is Big Brother Holden. Holden suffers a lot because of Riley's antics - whether he's the target of Riley's latest rant or because his good time is cut short or marred by our frustrated yelling at some out-of-control thing Riley did. Yet, their relationship is quite special and loving. Riley adores Holden and will not go to sleep without a goodnight kiss and hug from Holden. It's those tender moments, where Riley's eyes soften under his brother's forehead smooch, that I feel relief and hope.


A passing year has not dampened Riley's admiration for all things transportation, and our weekends still often include outings that involve trains. Either he's riding one, watching a show about them or playing with toy ones on the living room floor. He likes the traditional wooden tracks, but is also content with one of his other many train toys. If he can load one up with something else - like dinosaurs - he's happy to travel 'round and 'round the room. He makes conductor calls and imitates the train whistle.
Despite some of his problems, especially at school, Riley continues to grow at an amazing rate, both socially and academically. Sure, no one likes to be his victim. But, at the same time, no one can resist his infectious laugh and penchant for finding a good time where ever he is. He's about to start Pre-K and, by June, we know he will have made great strides with writing and other pre-reading skills. He doesn't show much interest now in writing, drawing or coloring. But he likes to know what letters words begin with and play rhyming word games.
He's made some great friends who absolutely love being with him. Carly is his best friend at school, and they make for an interesting pair. She is outgoing, but not nearly as loud. She's a do-gooder who always follows the rules. Riley, meanwhile, may have his heart is in the right place, but has more difficulty marching to the same beat as everyone. I think they're good for each other.
In the last year, Riley has overcome a lot of the irrational fears he developed. While he originally showed no fear, he got in a stage where things that should be enticing - like climbing aboard a tractor or a carousel - caused him raging, screaming fits. He's tested and learned some limits, and now follows Holden nearly carefree on new adventures. He's getting better and more interested in his bicycle and learning and liking his scooter more, too.
And now, we'll wrap this up with some words just for our little guy:

Dear Riley,

I like to look at you when you're sitting on the bar stool at the counter. Your little legs are too short to reach the foot rest, your stout torso sits upright with your shoulders just passing the counter and your feet - not baby feet, but not big kid either - cross at the ankles and swing carelessly. Often, while you're eating, you wiggle around on the seat. You laugh a lot. And smile with your whole face - your eyes scrunching up and twinkling. You are in between being little and being big.

It's a weird place to be, and I have to remind myself of that constantly. Four years alive is still pretty new, and yet, we have these expectations of you that you try so hard to live up to. I see that, and know you struggle with your own impulses. I see you get sad and frustrated when you fail, and I feel just as bad for you as I do for whoever is the target of your rant, violence or defiance.

But there is more to you than just your problems, and I try hard every day to ensure you are defined not by your issues, but by your successes. I am constantly encouraged to see how happy you are, despite the turmoil and stress you cause. We are always reminding ourselves that you are more than just a handful to deal with, but that you are, more often than not, an armful of loving cuteness to be held and kissed. Your giggle is infectious and warms my heart to no end. It is a relief to hear it so often, because that's how we know that, despite everything, you are a happy, well-adjusted and normal kid.

We work hard on the problems because we want life for you to be easy and fun as you continue to grow, develop and mature. I grew up with plenty of boys who spent lots of time in the principal's office, and I don't want that for you. I don't want you to miss out, and I don't want you to have the permanent scowl worn by delinquents. Because if that full-face smile that you show so very often goes away, then we will have sadly failed.

Together, though, I know we will succeed. You will grow up and grow out of these early childhood tendencies because you are smart and have a big heart. Your Dad and I will always be there to push you to succeed, and we'll support you 100 percent, no matter what happens. We are a team and you are an important part of that. We look forward to this year because we know it will be a big one for you. Keep your head up, keep smiling and keep being the big love that you are. We love you so big, Ra-Ra.

Mama