Like so many birthdays before, Riley is spending his 17th birthday at Camp JCA Shalom. But this camp birthday and entire camp experience is like none before. Riley has spent his entire summer at camp, first as a counselor in training for two sessions and now as a full-fledged counselor for the last two-week session. He is living with, responsible for, and making magic for a group of 2nd-4th grade boys.
So far, his entire CIT experience has been truly transformative. Taking a bunch of soon-to-be high school seniors and teaching them effective "parenting" skills, how to put others' needs before your own and the appropriate ways to deal with problem behaviors - all while keeping things fun and energetic is no easy feat. But Camp JCA has done just that with Riley and his CIT group, many of whom he has grown close with and I'm hopeful he will be lifelong friends with.
Having been a camper, and then a counselor, myself, I know that it is kinda impossible to describe how important and meaningful the camp experience is. In his brief visits home this summer, Riley has talked about bonding with fellow CITs, staff and campers - as he does every summer. But he's also talked about the importance of inclusion, using positive reinforcement for good behavioral outcomes and favorite campers because they are sweet and put all their trust in their counselors. Riley sees things differently now and is much more attuned to how his reactions and interventions can impact others. Riley has always been empathetic and caring, but this takes things to a new level.
Despite only weeks away from his senior year, Riley still doesn't talk much about what's next in terms of college or what he wants to do with his life. For the first time, though, I saw a spark as he discussed the possibility of making a career out of camp. To say I love this for him is an understatement. Will it stick? Who knows. As always, though, my only concern is that Riley finds opportunities for a life of happiness, which includes finding a profession that makes him feel satisfied and happy to get out of bed each day.
In addition to camp just being fabulous camp, it's also been a great break from both school and screens -two things that have been in abundance in Riley's life this past year.
He challenged himself with three Advanced Placement classes and a pretty serious class load. For most of the year, he chugged along just fine despite the pressure and work. Then, as these things happen with Riley, the wheels sort of came off that train mid-way through the spring semester and he was in very dangerous territory grade-wise. Riley has learned so much in recent years about ways to motivate himself, be organized and act as his own advocate. None of those things were coming into play and we had to intervene. It was a stressful time as we determined ways to help him course-correct. In the end, we came up with a plan that included his providing us a daily summary of his assignments and grades and dedicating two hours each day to schoolwork (with his door open). Honestly, one of the things that stressed me out about this situation, in addition to the prospect of him needing to make up credits in summer school, was how he'd react when we laid down the new rules. To Riley's immense credit, he took it in stride. We had a calm, productive conversation where he offered feedback and compromises until we landed on a plan that worked for us all. Whether it was the fresh parental oversight or the help to get focused and organized, the plan worked and Riley finished the semester strong.
Riley also had a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity this year to travel to Washington, D.C. with his confirmation class as part of the Religious Action Center L'Taken seminar. There, he learned about social justice issues and how to be an advocate for change. He and his group spent the day on Capital Hill delivering speeches about legislation that can make meaningful changes in people's lives. He found his voice that weekend and received valuable lessons about politics and how to make a difference.
As mentioned above, screens still play a large role in Riley's life. From video games with friends to binging television shows on his phone in his dark room, Riley - like most teenagers and even adults - has a hard time breaking away from the lure of other worlds and stories.
His friend group at school has become solid and they get together occasionally outside of school to play board games. It's so nice to see him in a group and I hope that, with all the senior year activities coming their way, they'll grow even more social and seek out adventures together away from their screens.
Through it all, Riley remains goofy, kind and affectionate. He is helpful (with a little reminding), understands the importance of doing his part and remains ready to help out any neighbor with pet sitting when needed! He has his own ideas about how to run his life and asserts his independence strongly - often opting out of activities or restaurant dinners to have more time to himself. He checks in regularly, though, and prefers to not go to sleep until we say: "Good night, I love you, have sweet, sweet dreams."
Senior year holds a lot of changes for Riley. When he returns from camp he'll focus on getting a job. He may also have the opportunity to work weekends at camp staffing various retreats held during the year. He'll also take a class or two at the community college, so he'll have shorter days on the high school campus. The big question is: Will he drive? After asking to be signed up for Driver's Ed and Driver Training, Riley lost interest and motivation. I then learned that the Driver Training course expires after a year, so I was able to beg for a year extension. Riley knows he must finish Driver's Ed, get his permit and start Training soon after returning from camp or he's going to pay us back for the course! My hope is that the prospect of driving himself to camp next year, and being able to leave camp on his day off, will motivate him, to do so!
In general, Riley rolls through life without much drama. Holden's absence in the house doesn't seem to impact him much, though I can tell he looks forward to seeing his brother when he's home. Time together as Team Nix is scarce these days, but even when the four of us go out to dinner together it's a special time. Riley visited Holden in Santa Cruz for a night, sleeping in Holden's dorm room and getting a great taste of what college life is like. He also conquered some anxiety by flying alone. There were learning experiences in both of these that he'll take with him always (including listening to the announcements at the airport and double-checking what gate your flight is leaving from!).
Each challenge overcome sets Riley up for more success. It's hard to picture him a year from now as an adult prepping for the next chapter in college. But with each year comes more dramatic transformation and maturity. He's always surprising us and I can't wait to see what comes next!
Dear Riley,
This morning I saw a photo of you at camp. It was the first day of session three and you were standing in front of probably 100 people leading songs with energy and a smile. For someone who shies away from public speaking and doesn't even like talking to the checker at Target, this is a big accomplishment. I know it takes you out of your comfort zone, but I also know that being a camp counselor brings you places you never thought you'd go. I've told you this emphatically when you were home between sessions, but it's worth repeating: I am so proud of you!
I see you making good choices. I see you caring about others. I see you caring about your own future. I see your confidence growing with each passing year. I see all of you and who you've become: A kind, loving, smart and funny near-adult who has so much to offer.
You have some big decisions to make this year. I know you have a hard time talking about what's next because you don't like the pressure and it's hard not really knowing. Please know we try hard to not pressure you and we ask to have these conversations because we care and want to help as much as you'll let us. We are still and will always be on Team Riley!
Whatever you decide and wherever you go, I am sure your journey will be great and you will find happiness at your destination. That path is still a little foggy, but each step brings you closer to the sunlight where I know you will shine!
I love you so, so much. Happy birthday my Ra!
Love,
Mama
