While I'm thankful that we don't have to fight with him (or Holden) about going out and seeing friends, I worry that this coronavirus way-of-life will be hard for Riley to shed when - and if - life ever returns to "normal." Riley has always loved his people fiercely, whether it be friends or teachers or camp counselors. Yet, surprisingly, there's been very few emotional moments over not being able to see anyone besides the three of us, and occasionally the grandparents from a distance, for months and months. I worry that I should be worried but mostly, I'm relieved.
Despite the pandemic, this was still a year of accomplishments and growth (and I don't just mean height - as he's closing in on me) for Riley.
In one of the weirdest middle school promotions ever, Riley completed his years at Adams Middle School with academic achievements that made us so very proud. I know it's been years since the homework battles of elementary school, way before ADHD medicine helped Riley stay focused and motivated. But they still haunt. He did great in middle school. He talks of school with nothing but joy, often telling stories of his friends' antics in class and the fun he has with them.
This year, he joined Cyber Patriots, following in his brother's footsteps to learn a little about cybersecurity in a team competition setting. I loved that the "meets" got him out of the house to spend time with his friends.
Outside of school this year, Riley began parkour and really enjoyed it! After his first "test" class he came up to me, all sweaty faced and said, "Sign me up." He really put a lot of effort into his once-a-week classes. He had just advanced to the next level when everything shut down. I really hope he's able to return to it one day.
Riley also continued his religious education at Temple Menorah by attending Tichon and volunteering as a madrichim helping younger students learn Hebrew as they prepared for their b'nai mitzvahs. Both of these were with reluctance at the beginning of the last school year, but he hung in there - even when everything went online in March.
Without much to occupy his time these days besides screens, he is mostly in his natural state of being. This is good because it gives him the chance to eat without appetite-killing medicine standing in the way, but also means there is a bit more energy (and visits to the kitchen). He has come so far in learning how to control the impulses, but there is still a lot of noise and movement.
One of Riley's hallmarks is his sense of humor. He loves to laugh and he genuinely wants to make others happy. He loves memes and funny YouTube videos and still tells plenty of "knock-knock" jokes. I relish, though, those lucid moments where Riley is being real in sharing his thoughts on life. We've had a lot more family dinners these past months with all of us home every night, and the discussion often turns to current events - anything from the pandemic to social injustice to politics to SpaceX's latest mission. When the four of us are engaged in an interesting conversation, he often brings a unique curiosity to the discussion. I cherish those moments where we get to see the bright, thoughtful and engaged kid.
When school went online last spring, Riley had a rough transition (which shouldn't have been a surprise, knowing his history with transitions). Staying motivated and organized were a challenge and caused a tremendous amount of frustration for him. It was so hard to have his successful, established routines disrupted. Once he realized something needed to change and accepted a little guidance, he created a new routine for himself and managed to stay motivated and earn fabulous grades. I hope when school starts online again in a few weeks, this time in high school and supposedly in a much more structured and serious way, he finds his groove or asks for help. Offers to assist him before he's ready to accept the help are met with resistance. Riley can be a paradox of independence vs. reliance, as we often have to say to him, "Find solutions" to even some of the most mundane problems (i.e. "This is in the way." "Then move it.") But once he finds his groove, I know he'll do great in high school and the childhood home stretch he is entering.
Dear Riley,
We're home together nearly 24 hours a day, seven days a week. My office is now in the living room, where I focus on what often feels like an insurmountable number of tasks all day. Many times a day, you come over offering a hug or a kiss. Sometimes I wave you away. Sometimes, I relent and accept, but with one eye on my email before I cut the gesture short and disengage. Sometimes, though, I literally lean into the moment and allow a long embrace with lots of kisses.
I reprimand myself for not accepting your offer more often and more wholeheartedly. I should feel like the luckiest person on Earth that my teenage son wants nothing more than hugs and love from his mom. Believe me, I do feel like an asshole when I snap at you to leave me alone when your offer is so genuine and filled with love. I know that you thrive on physical connection and, no longer allowed to touch anyone but us in this awful time we're in, I could do a much better job of accepting and returning your affections.
I will work on that just as you've worked hard through your challenges. You remain an inspiration because, even with your lazy teenage boy ways and screen addictions, you find ways to stay connected to me, your dad and your brother. Your happy-go-lucky attitude keeps you at peace in a world of uncertainty. I am thankful you have the ability to feel all the big feels, but not let them debilitate you.
Happy 14th birthday Ra! May the year be filled with success, achievements, connection, fun, love and lots and lots of hugs from your mama.
I love you,
Mom
