His voice is not the only cute little-kid-thing-of-the past. In fact, there's not much little kid left in there (notice I didn't include "cute" because, mother bias or not, I still think he's adorable!).
So, we haven't heard about Holden here in a couple years. What's Holden like at 15?
He is teenagery in that occasionally sullen with some attitude way... but, luckily not as much as it could be. I still count us among the "lucky" parents with a teenager who, for the most part, doesn't give us too much grief. While he may internally be rolling his eyes at us, he has the common sense and decency to keep whatever annoyance he feels about his parents largely to himself. He'll have bouts of quiet introspection, but he remains, in equal measure, warm, open and interested in spending time with us.
Holden is thinking about the things you'd expect an independent, bright kid to think about: driving and college. The ideas of both excite him and he is smartly focusing on these goals by getting good grades and showing responsibility. (And I say this even though he has earned the nickname "Almost" for all the times he almost finishes his chores.)
He just finished his first semester of high school with a 4.0 GPA and a seamless transition to a new school. He joined a couple clubs (Cyber Patriots, Ninth Grade Council and Chess) and just applied for the California Scholarship Foundation. Not quite sure where he'll go or what he'll do in life, but he has set a lose course toward computer science or software engineering or something like that.
He volunteers once a week as a Madrachim at Temple (in Riley's class, nonetheless) and attends Tichon. That he now voluntarily participates in religious school is nice - as I believe his connection to Judaism, the Jewish community, his heritage and all that the religion values will always provide a stable bedrock for him.
On a bittersweet note, he has hung up his soccer cleats after 10 years of AYSO. Never a star player, but always consistent and good, Holden never had much passion for the sport. Or any sport, really. As work loads and responsibilities grow, and AYSO gets more frustrating, he finally got his out.
Whenever he can, which is a lot, Holden is looking at a screen - either watching Netflix or looking at Reddit on his phone or playing video games or teaching himself coding on his computer. He still loves to read and hang out with friends - they'll go to the mall to score junk food and watch movies. He still has a big group of friends, many of whom he has known since kindergarten, and they often play video games together. They include Tyler F., Tyler S., Owen, Spencer, Tora, Nikhil, Jacob, Brecken, Vadim, Henry and Trevor. (No, still no girls :) )
As he's been since he was 4 years old, Holden is easy to be around and just generally gets it. He is confident, sarcastic and curious. His laugh still draws you in and is delightful to hear. He's become more interested in current events and politics, wanting to understand the news reports he hears and seeking out additional information on his own. If you get him in the right mood, he'll even be open to talking about things like inter-personal relationships!
The little kid qualities that remain are luckily the sweet ones. He still reaches out for hugs from his mom, although now he stands three inches taller and is the one wrapping me up - still a weird thing to experience. And, he always has Hippo nearby, either on his lap or the desk next to him while he's at the computer or draped across his neck while he lies in bed watching TV on his phone. These affectionate moments and reliance upon things that make him feel secure melt my heart and serve as sweet reminders of the sweet boy he has always been.
Dear Holden,
Independence is so close now, you can practically touch it. Surprisingly, I spend less time mourning the loss of my baby than I'd expect, as I'm so genuinely excited for you to be this much closer to realizing your dreams and charting your own path. I remember being 15 and looking forward to the freedoms that come with growing up and getting out. I am 100 percent sure that you will not take any of your opportunities for granted and that you are working hard toward your goals - and you always will.
On your 15th birthday, my wish for you is that you never lose your drive to succeed, the relationships you've built with your friends and family or your genuine Holden-ness. You are your own person. You are a leader who can go with the flow and a follower who steers the ship with common sense - even when there are temptations that can easily take you off course.
Yes, I know you're taller than me. Yes, I know you know more about computers than me. Yes, you swear like a sailor. But you will always be my cute, little kid.
I love you so much,
Mama
