While there is a little loss-of-innocence that comes when kids transition to caring about what others think, this could serve Riley quite well. Any motivation that gets him to behave in school, camp and at other activities and keep in control is welcome. He still struggles so much with his impulsivity. Friendly and sweet, Riley has lots of acquaintances at school, but his 5th grade teacher still expressed concern about his ability to make and keep friends. A lot of this probably still has to do with the pull he feels to say and do things that other kids may find strange, as well as shyness that comes about when he's worried he will say or do such things. Overall, Riley doesn't seem as bothered as his teacher did. He never expresses feelings of being on the outside and refers to most kids as his "friend." He has a couple close friends he seems very content with, and they reciprocate that feeling. Maybe that's just enough for him.
Aside from the social aspects, Riley had an AMAZING 5th grade year. It began with him no longer qualifying for an IEP. Still on a 504 plan to ensure he is being accommodated for, coming off the IEP felt a bit like swinging from a trapeze without a net. That was our insurance policy that he would be treated fairly and appropriately, both academically and behaviorally. That he no longer needed it was a great thing and shows how far he's come! This year, we had very few phone calls and emails from school regarding behavior or school work issues. Then, on promotion day, Riley surprised us by receiving the President's Award for Academic Excellence - the highest academic award 5th graders can receive. To say we were proud is an understatement!
Outside of school, he happily filled his time with video games and other screen time adventures. He's still attending religious school, but we gave him and Holden a pass on activities during the spring as we geared up for Holden's bar mitzvah. The kids were thrilled to have more down time. Finally recovered from a busy first half of the year, we're getting ready soon for soccer, religious school and maybe... finally... be able to get Riley into an art class!
This will be a big year for Riley - Middle School! We have a lot of fears about how this transition will go and how he'll do in a bigger, more rigorous environment. On the way to drop the kids off at camp last week, I spoke with Riley about setting a goal for his new year - and beginning that goal at camp - of being more independent. In some ways, he really is. But he's also lazy, has little patience and gets frustrated easily. He's constantly asking his brother to fix things on his video games and us to make him food he is capable of making himself. For my part, I intend to find ways to help him gain this independence by insisting he participate in the process more, learning how to do things so he can soon do them himself.
Riley and his brother are lucky in many ways - they've never had to clean a toilet or a mop a floor, food seems to always appear in the kitchen and they generally want for nothing. The Real World isn't that far away now, and I just hope that we haven't been doing them a disservice by taking care of things and making life easy. As a parent, the instinct is to do just that.
Dear Ra,
This can be a confusing and scary time as you stand on the edge of childhood looking into the vast crevice of the teen years. So much can change in the coming years, and my wish for you is that you stay true to yourself through it all.
You are a good person - to your core. Your kindness, sweetness and love for your friends and family shine bright, even in what seems like the darkest of times. I understand your fears, and your fear of those fears that keep you up at night. But, as you get older, you'll continue to hone your coping skills - whether it's by listening to Christmas carols every night as you fall asleep or finding other ways to confront your thoughts. My wish for you is that you find peace and comfort within your own mind and body and wherever you go. You deserve nothing but happiness and success, and I' confident that you have the drive and passion to have a life filled with great things and people.
I am so proud of you and how far you've come. I hope that you know this, even in those moments when patience is thin and frustration is thick. I see you. I hear you. I know you're trying your best. Our job is to give you the tools you need to grow, become independent and remain the good, good person that you are!
I love you so much and wish you the happiest of birthdays!
Love,
Mama
