Holden: 10 Years

About a month ago, Holden was served up a tough life lesson. Back in December, he was given an assignment in school to build a Spanish Galleon and write a report to go along with it. There was also an oral component to this project. He had about six weeks to complete it.

Right away, we asked the Internet for ideas on building the ship, and he put that together out of a milk carton, straw and construction paper. He seemed on top of it all, as he does with almost all his school work, so we backed off.

Here's our mistake: Not reading his assignment. Sure, we don't have to monitor every worksheet and other homework assignment with a microscope anymore. Afterall, this is the 4th grade - time to buck up and take responsibility.

Flash forward to a Wednesday night. It's after 7 p.m. and he's just returned from Hebrew School. He says it's due the next day, but no problem - all he has left to do is type up the report. "Fifteen minutes," he says ... "tops." I told him I didn't like him putting it off until the last minute, and I was going to read his report and he can make any edits in the morning.

I start looking it over and find a few issues: It's a captain's log of a journey from Spain to California, but he mixes up past and present tenses and has some spelling and grammatical errors. We work through those....

And then, I happen to take a look at the assignment.

Oh. No.

Turns out he was required to write FIVE journal entries, of nine sentences minimum each. Not ONE... as he had done.

Cue the tears.

I let him cry for a few minutes, then asked if he'd like my help in solving this problem. He accepted and I helped him break what he had into five entries, this time being certain to see how long it really took a Spanish ship to sail to the west coast in the 17th century (turns out, a lot longer than Holden thought). I helped him identify some reputable sites to do some research and we talked about the type of information to include. Then, I walked away.

Less than an hour later, he had pulled together what I could only characterize as an adequate five-entry journal. Was it accurate? Who knew. Was it his best writing? Certainly not. But, I knew it was passable. And it was late.

Fast forward again a few weeks to the day he received his grade. A 72 out of 100. For a kid like Holden, who generally never gets less than a 95 on anything, this was a cold, hard slap of failure to the face. He was pretty down and glum that night and was disappointed and mad at himself.

As he should be.

And, honestly, I'm glad it upset him and I'm glad it happened. Holden is the type of kid where, for the most part, things come easy. He's outgoing and makes friends with little effort. He's smart, bright and a do-gooder, which is reflected in his school marks. He's coordinated and athletic and strong - a fact proven by his being accepted to the soccer All-Star team this winter.

So, when he fails or is otherwise sub-par at something, it's only because he didn't apply himself, lacked focus or plain and simple didn't try hard enough. And he knows this.

Last spring, he had a tough baseball season. He wasn't playing well and was on a team with a couple of bullies. I was surprised when he said he wanted to give it another go this season, but proud of him for not giving up. He was a different kid when this season started - strong and confident, hitting more balls in his first game than he did the entire of last season. But after a few games, the team as a whole began to lack focus. They grew sillier and their playing and morale got worse. Four games in a row were halted by the 10-run mercy rule. Not that Holden was to blame for his team's flailing, but he certainly didn't do anything to help them along. His batting stance went to pot, he got banished to right field most innings and he was clearly not paying attention when he should be.

After the third game was cut short, we had a talk with him about this. He takes these talks seriously. Holden is a kid driven by the idea of making us proud and not being disappointed, and he was clearly failing at these in this area. It was a good heart-to-heart and it's still amazing to me how insightful and communicative he can be ... and has been for so long.

But it can be hard for a kid like Holden. Recently, we learned Riley was working toward a good character award at school. "I've been at the school five years and I've NEVER gotten one of those awards!" Holden realized. That's because kids like Holden don't need the incentive, nor do they need the reward, to do what most people do naturally: Be good. We pointed out that the school recognized him in other ways, through GATE and through his selection to Leadership and as a Safe School Ambassador. We forget, though, how it's hard for anybody - especially a kid - to go through life doing everything right, flying below the radar and not getting recognized for it cause you didn't screw up first.

Dear Holden,

I'm glad you didn't have to do things wrong to get it right. As a kid who was never the top-of-the class standout, nor the in-the-principal's office screw-up, I know what it's like to hang out on the average line. And, really, it's not that bad. From average, there are places to go up, and places to go down. You can grow, and you can learn from mistakes.

Even so, I will do whatever I can to make sure you know that you're special. Whether it's sneaking you extra Thin Mints or card games when your brother isn't looking or letting you stay up a little later, I will show you I know you are amazing and deserving of super things.

And in return, I just hope you stay just how you are: the kid who loves my sarcasm and giggles heartily remembering how I threw stuffed animals at your head to wake you up... the kid who feels with his whole heart and isn't afraid to show it on his face... the kids who tries hard, but sometimes has to pick himself back up again and try harder... the kid that makes me so proud.

Happy 10th Birthday Big Bug.

I love you,
Mama

A Decade of Holden:

2004

2005

2006

2007

2008

2009

2010

2011

 

 

 

 

 

2012

 

2013