Dear The Boy Scouts of America,

Boy Scouts of America

1325 Walnut Hill Lane

P.O. Box 152079

Irving, Texas 75015-2079

Wayne Perry

National President

Boy Scouts of America

CEO Shotgun Creek Investments

P.O. Box 998
Bellevue, WA 98009

Los Angeles Area Council

2333 Scout Way

Los Angeles, CA 90026

Aug. 23, 2012

Dear Mr. Perry,

When we explained to our 8-year-old son, Holden, a Cub Scout of two years, that the Boy Scouts of America would not allow gay scouts or parent volunteers to participate, he looked really confused. “That’s not very Scout-like,” he said.

Indeed. In Cub Scouts, Holden learned a lot about giving back to the community and being a good citizen. He loves the Scouts, especially his friends and leaders in Den 6, Pack 788 in Redondo Beach.

So, last night, when, after weeks of reflection and discussions, we finally decided that the Scouts is not an organization that’s right for our family, Holden was understandably sad. His younger brother, Riley, who has looked forward to his chance to be a Cub Scout this year after two years of being on the sidelines, cried upon learning he’d never wear the coveted blue uniform and scarf.

Telling your children they can’t do an activity that they love is heartbreaking. But we know this decision is right when we think about all the other boys and their parents who are being told, or will be told, by BSA that they don’t belong. We stand by those boys and their families by saying we don’t belong, either.

We recognize that the BSA, as a private organization, has the right to make its own membership rules. As we explained to our boys, we have the right to decide if an organization with exclusionary, intolerant and bigoted policies is the right place for us. We’ve grappled if it would be better for us to leave in a show of support of the LGBT families in our community and across the nation, or to stay and work toward change from within. In the end, we decided our message to our children and our community would be stronger if we removed ourselves.

We appreciate the willingness of our local Den and Pack leaders to discuss the policy. We believe all of them disagree with the rule, but understand their decision to carry on, so as to not jeopardize the involvement of the other families in our Pack. There are many reasons to stay in the Scouts, and we respect other families’ decisions to do so. We just could not align ourselves with an organization that does not treat everyone equally, as they should be.

Best,

Denise Nix                 Kevin Nix

Riley - 6 Years

We kinda figured that, by the time our youngest born was turning 6, we'd be safely out of the "baby" zone. No more middle of the night wakings. No more whining. No more temper tantrums. Just smooth sailing with a reasonable child.

We were wrong.

Give Riley the wrong color cup of milk? Whine. Give him one of his favorite meals, like hot dogs or pizza? Complain. Put him in a time out? Temper tantrum.

As (still) frustrating as parenting this boy is, we are able to pause (occasionally) and take a look back at how far we've come. We'll take some bitchin' over Cheerios over clocking a schoolmate with a wooden block any day. He made it through kindergarten with flying colors - at or above grade level academically and, really, very few behavioral incidents during his half-day class. There was still some (a lot) of struggle during his afterschool care at the Child Development Center ... but even that seemed to subside and all but disappear with a medication adjustment.

Riley is still being treated with medicine for "impulse control," and we've added a child therapist into the mix, too. She works with Riley on social behaviors (like not clocking your schoolmates with wooden blocks). After only a few visits, she's pretty much figured out what the rest of us have figured out: Riley is really one of the most kindest, sweetest and gentle kids you've ever met ... and he probably has ADHD. His psychiatrist wouldn't test him until after his 6th birthday, and we've already set that process in motion for the coming months. We're confident that, whatever diagnosis he gets or doesn't get, it will not keep him from continuing to blossom into a successful, confident and well-adjusted kid.

Riley is going to give soccer another go this fall (he wants the trophy and likes the uniform). He may even  join the Cub Scouts. He and his brother will both begin religious school. So, basically, we're loading up the incoming 1st grader's schedule and hoping for the best. For as much as he talks (and talks, and talks), he is still not great at communicating some of the real stuff. Many details of his stories are fabricated. Many of his entire stories are fabricated. He still has trouble expressing feelings, emotions and cause-and-effect relationships to things that have happened in the past. Most of what he has to say begins this way:

"Mama, I have a statement."

or

"Mama, I have a question."

Then, he goes on to say, "Did you actually know that...?" or, simply, "I love you."

One of the most fun things about him is his ability to find beauty just about anywhere. This kid not only stops to smell the roses, but to lean in close and admire the amazing red of it. Then, he'll point out the bug crawling on it and watch fascinated until you pull him along the path some more. He loves animals, and says in a little high-pitched voice from the backseat things like, "Oooh! Did you see those three fluffy doggies? They were so CUTE!"

Each day still begins and ends with cuddles. He does his "spinjitzu" beside me in my bed at 6 a.m. every morning. "Mama, you're so soft," "You guys are the BEST," and "I love everyone in this house: Mama, Dada and Holden ... and all my friends and family" are the statements he makes nearly every morning. It's (usually) a very sweet way to begin each day.

If only those moments were not followed up with three interruptions of my shower to complain about something and 20 minutes of breakfast-time standoffs, everyday would be amazing!

Dear Riley,

While it may not seem it very often, we are really very proud of you. Between your comedy routines, excessive noises and bouncing around, you are truly one of the sweetest and brightest people I have ever known. It's hard for me to understand how someone who gets yelled at so often and is always being told what not to do can be so very happy almost all the time. I worry that all the lectures, therapy and discipline will zap your spirit, but you manage to come out on the other side looking at life brightly. Maybe you're oblivious. Maybe you're ignoring us. But I am glad and confident that your strong will applies to your outlook.

I hope you always see the sunny side, stop to smell the roses and know that you're the best.

I love you,
Mama