Tuesday, May 29, 2007
The Heartbreak of Boys
Previously, I wrote about boys, and my fear for all the trouble they conjure up. Now, I'm going to write about the fear I have for them, just because they are boys.
A few hours ago, I stood outside my office with a bunch of co-workers. It so happens, we are conveniently located across the street from a mortuary. We watched as a hearse was escorted by Torrance police officers and a flag-draped coffin was brought inside. The coffin carried the remains of Pfc. Joseph Anzack, a 20-year-old local kid whose story would be unbelievable, if it weren't so tragically true.
A month or so ago, rumors of Anzack's death began circulating at his Alma mater, South High School. Turns out, the rumors weren't true. Then, in a widely-reported incident in Iraq, several soldiers were ambushed and kidnapped. Anzack was one of them. His status remained unknown for weeks until one day last week, he was found floating in the Euphrates River, a gunshot wound to his head.
Today, one of my colleagues, Shelly, whose own Army brother is on his way to Iraq, went to the airport with Anzack's family, rode with them to the mortuary and the joined them on the beach, where they sat and shared stories. A bit emotional herself, Shelly told us how Anzack's sister's hands shook as she talked and his dad nervously stomped his foot to get through the emotions.
But his mom, Shelly said, got through the day by whispering prayers to herself. She told Shelly about all the dreams she had for her son that will never come to be, like watching him fall in love the first time and set up his own home. Even though his parents are divorced, she's been staying at the apartment Anzack shared with his father and sister. The mom has been sleeping in her dead son's bed for a week, finding comfort in his lingering smell, saying she can almost feel him there.
I know Holden and Riley are little, but as this war lingers on, and on, and on ... I can't help feel a clutch to my heart. The very act of putting my fears into words is unbearable. I keep thinking of Anzack's parents and sister, but especially his mom. How do you move on from that kind of loss?
It's amazing how differently I look at things now that I am a Mom.
When I was 12 or 13 years old, I loved watching The Wonder Years. Of course, I related to Kevin Arnold and the travails of jr. high school. I couldn't wait to see what happened with him and Winnie, see how he and Paul resolved their conflicts and laughed in commiseration at being the younger sibling. I recently discovered it again playing in syndication and watched a few episodes. I couldn't believe how different it was.
Kevin, I discovered, was kind of a self-centered brat - as most adolescents are. A few of the episodes were about relating to his mom - learning that someone he took for granted was a real person, with real interests and resenting her for trying to keep him safe, like when she wouldn't allow him to play full-contact football in the park after school with his friends. (Turns out she was right - he got hurt).
I found myself this time around relating to her: Quietly there as a background player, yet the one who kept it all together. Her concern and her love for Kevin is so genuine, and she illustrates how tough it is to be your own person, yet be so wrapped-up in other people's lives. I was surprised that it was her I was interested in, and found myself thinking about her parenting style and feeling her pain when doing what was best for her kids only made them angry.
So, apparently, that's what being a Mom or Dad is: Doing everything you can, despite the consequences, to keep your kids happy, healthy and safe. The fear comes when you realize that, no matter what you do, sometimes, it's just out of your hands.
I didn't really think parenthood would change me, as a person, all that much. But I was very wrong. I never knew that I would willingly put myself between a person and a speeding bus or bullet before. I know now I would.
I'd also willingly move to Canada, if need-be.
A few hours ago, I stood outside my office with a bunch of co-workers. It so happens, we are conveniently located across the street from a mortuary. We watched as a hearse was escorted by Torrance police officers and a flag-draped coffin was brought inside. The coffin carried the remains of Pfc. Joseph Anzack, a 20-year-old local kid whose story would be unbelievable, if it weren't so tragically true.
A month or so ago, rumors of Anzack's death began circulating at his Alma mater, South High School. Turns out, the rumors weren't true. Then, in a widely-reported incident in Iraq, several soldiers were ambushed and kidnapped. Anzack was one of them. His status remained unknown for weeks until one day last week, he was found floating in the Euphrates River, a gunshot wound to his head.
Today, one of my colleagues, Shelly, whose own Army brother is on his way to Iraq, went to the airport with Anzack's family, rode with them to the mortuary and the joined them on the beach, where they sat and shared stories. A bit emotional herself, Shelly told us how Anzack's sister's hands shook as she talked and his dad nervously stomped his foot to get through the emotions.
But his mom, Shelly said, got through the day by whispering prayers to herself. She told Shelly about all the dreams she had for her son that will never come to be, like watching him fall in love the first time and set up his own home. Even though his parents are divorced, she's been staying at the apartment Anzack shared with his father and sister. The mom has been sleeping in her dead son's bed for a week, finding comfort in his lingering smell, saying she can almost feel him there.
I know Holden and Riley are little, but as this war lingers on, and on, and on ... I can't help feel a clutch to my heart. The very act of putting my fears into words is unbearable. I keep thinking of Anzack's parents and sister, but especially his mom. How do you move on from that kind of loss?
It's amazing how differently I look at things now that I am a Mom.
When I was 12 or 13 years old, I loved watching The Wonder Years. Of course, I related to Kevin Arnold and the travails of jr. high school. I couldn't wait to see what happened with him and Winnie, see how he and Paul resolved their conflicts and laughed in commiseration at being the younger sibling. I recently discovered it again playing in syndication and watched a few episodes. I couldn't believe how different it was.
Kevin, I discovered, was kind of a self-centered brat - as most adolescents are. A few of the episodes were about relating to his mom - learning that someone he took for granted was a real person, with real interests and resenting her for trying to keep him safe, like when she wouldn't allow him to play full-contact football in the park after school with his friends. (Turns out she was right - he got hurt).
I found myself this time around relating to her: Quietly there as a background player, yet the one who kept it all together. Her concern and her love for Kevin is so genuine, and she illustrates how tough it is to be your own person, yet be so wrapped-up in other people's lives. I was surprised that it was her I was interested in, and found myself thinking about her parenting style and feeling her pain when doing what was best for her kids only made them angry.
So, apparently, that's what being a Mom or Dad is: Doing everything you can, despite the consequences, to keep your kids happy, healthy and safe. The fear comes when you realize that, no matter what you do, sometimes, it's just out of your hands.
I didn't really think parenthood would change me, as a person, all that much. But I was very wrong. I never knew that I would willingly put myself between a person and a speeding bus or bullet before. I know now I would.
I'd also willingly move to Canada, if need-be.
Monday, May 28, 2007
Holden: Three Years, Two Months
Holden...
...Pumps his arm real fast when he runs.
...Likes to sing many songs, and is currently learning Yellow Submarine and High Hopes. He already knows Bob Marley's Three Little Birds.
...Deals with large social gatherings by passing out various objects to all in attendance.
...Can get his underwear, pants, and shoes on by himself.
...Still eats mac cheese and applesauce most nights for dinner.
...Wakes us up every morning by saying: "I see siiiiiixxx!"
...Still loves Dora the Explorer, but now watches Go Diego Go! and Blue's Clues, too.
...Pretends he's Alex the lion from Madagascar and growls: "That's my kill!" with his hands, up in the air, shaped like paws.
...Spends most of his bath racing a foam motorcycle around the edge of the tub.
...Likes to make faces at himself in the mirror.
...Helps "fix" things around the house.
...Has named two ducks that have taken up residence in our neighborhood. He calls the female "Grant" and the male "Bike."
...Shrieks when excited.
...Says "let's talk" during bed time, then brings up something he wants to talk about - like getting a time out earlier.
...Tells something good that happened everyday on the way home from daycare.
...Makes Riley laugh.
...Wiggles his butt when he's happy.
...Can do jigsaw puzzles by himself.
...Wants to be an "airplane driver" when he grows up; last week, he wanted to be a race car driver.
...Can count to 100 with just a little bit of help.
...Says "tsings" for "things."
...Likes books, and is trying to read them himself by making up a story to go with the pictures.
...Stutters when his thoughts get ahead of his mouth.
...Talks a lot. A WHOLE LOT.
...Is quick to cry.
...Says "bubblyou" for "W."
...Gives the sweetest hugs and kisses.
...Wants to be an "airplane driver" when he grows up; last week, he wanted to be a race car driver.
...Can count to 100 with just a little bit of help.
...Says "tsings" for "things."
...Likes books, and is trying to read them himself by making up a story to go with the pictures.
...Stutters when his thoughts get ahead of his mouth.
...Talks a lot. A WHOLE LOT.
...Is quick to cry.
...Says "bubblyou" for "W."
...Gives the sweetest hugs and kisses.
Monday, May 21, 2007
You Start With Three, Then Go To Four, To Get To Two
After months of practicing pedaling on his tricycle, Holden was excited to get a Big Boy Bike. He'd see people riding on the street and say, "I need two wheels." Many nights after daycare, he and Dad would pedal around the backyard in preparation.
First, they built the bike together. Holden brought out his "teeewwls."
And then, he was off!
Thanks to Grandma Bonnie for the bike!
Mom got a new bike too - the perfect blend of sport and girl.
The first spin around the duck pond at our nearby park.
First, they built the bike together. Holden brought out his "teeewwls."
And then, he was off!
Thanks to Grandma Bonnie for the bike!
Mom got a new bike too - the perfect blend of sport and girl.
The first spin around the duck pond at our nearby park.Saturday, May 19, 2007
Blogoversary
It's been about a year since we started blogging. We hope that you've enjoyed seeing what the boysies are up to. Thank you for coming by! We've had fun sharing our pictures, stories and thoughts for the past year. We realize now that this is more than being exhibitionists - we're creating for ourselves The Story of Us. A lot has changed in a year:
Holden May 2006
Holden May 2007
Riley June 2006
Riley May 2007
Holden May 2006
Holden May 2007
Riley June 2006
Riley May 2007Tuesday, May 08, 2007
Are All Those Things We See Joshua Trees?
Feeling daring, we packed the kids up and joined the Fayes for a camping trip at Joshua Tree last weekend. This was Riley's first camping trip, and Holden's second - but it's been nearly two years since we went camping with Holden.
There was a cold, gusty wind that was a bit unexpected - so we tried to make the most of it, even with curve balls like fires that won't light, plates full of food blowing off the table and baby Riley too cold to sleep by himself, so he spent the whole night in Mom's sleeping bag nursing.
The tents were the highlight of the trip for the kids. It was pretty cold and windy out, Holden and Cassidy ran from one tent to another, where they rolled around in the sleeping bags and jumped on the Thermarests.
We took one mini hike through the desert. When asked later, Holden said climbing on the rocks was his favorite part of the trip. Dad couldn't have been more pleased.
Cassidy had her dad's number and got piggy back rides to the potty.
Denis and Sandie, literally chilling.
Little Buddhas
Zen Cassidy
Singing The Wheels on the Bus with Sandie.
Alpha Male Denis cooks food - an entire meal of potatoes, grilled veggies, chicken breasts and salmon on a tiny little BBQ.
There was a cold, gusty wind that was a bit unexpected - so we tried to make the most of it, even with curve balls like fires that won't light, plates full of food blowing off the table and baby Riley too cold to sleep by himself, so he spent the whole night in Mom's sleeping bag nursing.
The tents were the highlight of the trip for the kids. It was pretty cold and windy out, Holden and Cassidy ran from one tent to another, where they rolled around in the sleeping bags and jumped on the Thermarests.
We took one mini hike through the desert. When asked later, Holden said climbing on the rocks was his favorite part of the trip. Dad couldn't have been more pleased.
Cassidy had her dad's number and got piggy back rides to the potty.
Denis and Sandie, literally chilling.
Little Buddhas
Zen Cassidy
Singing The Wheels on the Bus with Sandie.
Alpha Male Denis cooks food - an entire meal of potatoes, grilled veggies, chicken breasts and salmon on a tiny little BBQ.
Monday, May 07, 2007
Can I Please Throw The Rocks In The Ocean?
The weather was dreary, but that didn't stop us from having another fun adventure with the Messingers on a recent Saturday. We visited the tide pools at Cabrillo Beach in San Pedro. We saw lots of neat little water creatures and everybody did very well navigating the rocks.
Holden was very excited that he was allowed to take up an old favorite - throwing rocks into the ocean.
Mom with her hands full.
Hallie and Holden stopped for a snack.
Riley, as always, hanging out and enjoying the ride.
Holden was very excited that he was allowed to take up an old favorite - throwing rocks into the ocean.
Mom with her hands full.
Hallie and Holden stopped for a snack.
Riley, as always, hanging out and enjoying the ride.
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