Conversations

Mom: Why do you love Hippo's tail so much?

Holden: Because. And I love my Mommy, my Daddy, my Riley, my Hallie, my Josh and my Jami.

Mom: Anyone else? What about your grandparents?

Holden: And my Bonnie and my Grandpa Steve and my Grandma Sheila.

19 Days

Much ado is made about the maternal (and paternal) instinct to love your child, even before he is born. When I was pregnant with Holden, I went to prenatal yoga classes where the instructor often told us to rub our tummies and show our babies how much we loved them, sending them energy bursts of warmth - or some equally cheesy thing. I found this silly. And then I, of course, worried that I apparently didn't have that maternal instinct of unconditional love. And I'd be lying if I said I fell "immediately in love" with my boys, as many new mothers claim they felt at first glance of their slimy, squirmy, purple offspring. I mean, I didn't even know them!

I don't know how long it was until I felt "love" for Holden. I remember telling him in a bleary-eyed moment during one of our many middle of the night feedings. But with Riley, once the first "I love you" was whispered into his soft head for the first time, I took note.

He was 19 days old. That's not to say I didn't love him before that, because, despite what I said above, I suspect I've always loved him on some level. But to TELL him - well, that was a big step in our relationship.

What strikes me is not so much that I love him, but that I can love this little being who offers nothing in return but sleepless nights spent nursing and pacing the house and explosive poop.

I love you, Riley!

Sleep Like a Baby?

Don't be deceived. Never has more noise emanated from a sleeping being. Riley screams with his mouth closed, grunts, groans and moans - never holding still - while he sleeps. We're never sure if he's waking up or winding down. One thing is for sure: he makes it hard for the rest of us to get peaceful sleep! Why oh why does this happen? And will it go away soon? At the very least, when he does sleep, he goes for a few hours.

Zoom.......

This is what Holden looks like to us these days.

One Week

Riley's been hanging around the abode for about a week now, but if you didn't look around or listen closely, you might miss him. We never knew a baby could be this easy! He sleeps and sleeps - sometimes for up to five hours at a time. He rarely cries, except during diaper changes or when he's real hungry, and he caught on to breastfeeding without a moment's hesitation.


Mostly, Kevin and I have been spending the week doing all the preparations and organizing we intended to do before little Squirt (a very appropriate nickname, by the way, for reasons I won't gross you out with by explaining) arrived. Holden's been going to daycare and, despite tears every morning, continues to have a good time doing art and swimming and playing with his friends. He's just figured out that he's the only one not at home and wants to be with us. It breaks my heart, but I know it's for his best interests and our sanity that he continues to go, keep his routine and have fun. He seems to like Riley a lot, but we have to keep a close eye on him - Riley's soft litle head is very tempting to touch, and Holden means well, but doesn't know his own strength. He spontaneously tells Riley, "I love you baby," and kisses and hugs him without any prodding from us. He even altered his "Mommy" song to say: "Baby baby I love you, m-o-m-yyyyyyy."


Luckily, we've been able to keep Holden's routine going the best we can since Riley is so chill and not needing a lot of attention. Holden is still 2, though, and the frustrating issues we're having with him I think would be there with or without a new addition to the home - the ordering us around, whining for no reason and bursting into tears over such things as who turns the fan on at night. We're making a huge effort to be patient, even though sleep deprivation makes that challenging, and to give Holden lots of attention and love.


Kevin goes back to work Monday for a few days then will have Lasik surgery - originally scheduled for the day that became Riley's birthday. At the end of the month, the challenge is on: daycare will be closed for a week then Kevin is going to Chicago for a wedding. So, if you have some time to kill and want to spend some time with an energetic and fun 2 year-old, an exhausted mom and a cute baby, I'm looking for takers....

Thanks to everyone for your messages of congratulations and welcome. Our doors are open - please come visit soon!

Riley

Making his appearance 18 days before he was due, Riley Steven Nix was born Thursday, Aug. 3, 2006, at 9:47 a.m. Weighing in at 7 lbs., 9 oz, he arrived healthy and hungry!

The labor, which I didn't even know had begun, was confirmed by the doctor during the regular 37-week check-up Wednesday. I was sent to the hospital, but opted to go home and collect our stuff, make a detour at my mom's to drop Holden off and try to eat (which I was not successful at, thanks to Kevin's nerves!) As fast as things began, they slowed down later that night in the hospital. With some intervention from our friend Pitocin, and a lot of help from our best friend Epidural, though, things picked up Thursday morning and, after very little effort, Riley arrived.

Big brother Holden came to visit a couple times. Riley looks just like Holden did when he was first born. We've been home about 24 hours and, so far, Holden seems OK with being a big brother. The hardest part is dealing with his overabundance of energy while we are lacking in any thanks to many, many, many night time wakings. Our family has been great about helping us help him burn some energy.

The picture below is actually of Holden about one day old. We just can't believe how much they look alike!