There is no point in sugar-coating it: This year sucked. Everything I wrote last year about isolation and school struggles? Yeah... more of that.
But - and that's a big BUT - through it all, Riley continued to show drive and perseverance. He had to dig waaaayyy down deep to find them and has to white-knuckle grip to hold on to them, but - BUT - he does have them. Through the anxiety, the frustration and the stress he has worked HARD and has found plenty of success along the way.
Distance learning began in the fall without much problem. Riley continued to be happy at home and maintained great grades. There were no extracurricular activities or friends to hang with during his first semester of high school, as we continued to hunker down through what now seems like a blur of fall and winter.
He re-joined Tichon virtually and participated in the Religious Action Center for Reform Judaism's program. While he didn't share much about the discussions, I was glad he was engaged in something meaningful and hoped he was getting something from that involvement to carry with him toward a life of making contributions.
Then, the second semester rolled around in February. Granted, I've never had to watch the boys' grades very closely through the school's online portal, but have always made a point to take a look every few weeks. So, in early March, I logged in for a quick check and was floored by what I saw. Or, rather, what I didn't see: completed assignments. The number of missing assignments was staggering and he was failing or close to failing almost every class.
The interesting thing was, it wasn't like he didn't care, because I could tell he did. He just got caught in a downward spiral of overwhelmed, bored, distracted, fatigued and done with online learning and couldn't get himself out of it. As I've mentioned before, asking for help isn't one of his strong suits, plus he was afraid of the repercussions if we were to know. So, instead of course-correcting on his own, he stressed out and spiraled further.
I've learned a lot about ADHD over the years, but I took a crash course in ADHD motivation and organization in the last six months. To Riley's grand credit, so did he. With some very kind and understanding teachers willing to accept late assignments, Riley got to work. He created a masterful spreadsheet to track his assignments and we worked out an "incentive" program that was kindergarten-level but did the job. If it took chore passes and ice cream to make this kid do his work, I was willing to regress.
He assured us he wanted to be the student that did well, not just get by. And that, he did. In almost every class he pulled his grades up to regular Riley levels. It was, actually, quite impressive. He's continued to work hard this summer at summer school, despite our biting off more than he or anybody could possibly chew, to make up one grade and get a jump start on next year.
The best thing was his being able to go to Camp JCA Shalom, where he was part of TASC - Teen-Age Service Camp. He had the greatest time building projects for camp, cheering with his group and, mostly, hanging out with his friends. It was a change of scenery and a reconnection to community that he needed.
School starts again in a couple weeks and Riley will be a sophomore. They are planning to return full-time on a normal schedule, and I hope that means Riley will find the drive and interest he needs to have a successful year. His future is still super unknown and that feels really nice, in some ways, that he is writing those chapters as he goes. Our request of him is that he always does his best because the better you do, the more choices you have, and the more choices you have, the better chance you'll have at happiness. Ultimately, that's what we wish for him and his brother.
Dear Riley,
We've been through a lot together this last year. You've been afraid to turn to me or your dad for help because you didn't want to "get in trouble" for having bad grades. We hope that you learned through all of this that we're not interested in punishing you, we're interested in helping you succeed. I feel like we've worked hard as a team to overcome what turned out to be very common challenges that you and so many kids needed to work through this year.
I still think the silver lining to all this COVID-19 quarantining is the time we've been able to spend together. I've grown used to working across the room from you during your two-hour breakfasts and hearing the "thump-thump-thump" overhead as you fidget in your chair during school. From family game nights and movies to more dinners together, I will always cherish this time with you.
I adore your chatty moods, your affection and your smile. You are bright and interesting, sweet and funny. You are the king of procrastination and have strong opinions about how outside influences impact you - like how a compliment or some praise can actually frustrate you. You can be shy around others sometimes, but I'm seeing your social confidence and independence grow steadily stronger.
I have so much faith in you and I know that you'll find your path and happiness. For every step of the way, as long as you'll let me, I'll be there running alongside and cheering you on. Should you stumble, I hope you'll know that I'll always offer you a hand to help pull you up. From there, as I've seen you do countless times, you'll dust yourself off, give me a hug and continue on down the path.
I love you so much my sweet boy!
Mama
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