The TWO Factor

Now that I'm a parent, I've begun to understand some of the things that my mother and father used to say to Janeen and I - and have found myself saying some of those things to Holden and Riley. One day recently, I found myself uttering these words: "Don't touch each other! Don't look at each other! Don't talk to each other! Don't even think of touching, looking or talking to each other."
Those words followed one of their many recent fights that involve, basically, being all up in each other's stuff. That there are two kids who invade each other's space constantly has become a source of much aggravation, frustration and tears of aggravation and frustration (theirs and mine) in our house.
As always with these kids, there are two sides. On one hand, they love each other and love to be together. Unfortunately, being 4 and 2, they don't have the inter-personal skills of communication, patience and sharing - which makes their being together akin to a volcano that spews hot, painful lava all over the place, several times a day.
As any parent of multiple siblings I'm sure does, we often find ourselves comparing and contrasting the two. It's unfair to do this because they are different people. But, even more than that, is that Holden did not have a 4-year-old brother to contend with when he was two, and everything Riley does always involves having an older brother.

When Holden was 2 years and five months old, as Riley is now, we had a totally different set of problems. He was an energetic toddler with a month-old baby brother and sleep-deprived, impatient parents. So while he didn't have to share his toys, he did share a lot of attention. He acted out a bit because of that, but was mostly obedient and gentle.

Riley, though, is more defiant and uses brute tactics to try for what he wants. Their different natures are never more apparent than when they are competing for a toy: Riley grabs, Holden cries. This little scenario plays out repeatedly whenever they are home together for more than two or three minutes.

This also means that proven parenting tricks that worked on Holden at age 2 can't work on Riley, because Holden doesn't keep anything on the down-low. Sneak him some juice and he starts singing, "Juicy, juicy," causing Riley to cry for juice. Mention a doctor's appointment, Holden starts talking about shots, getting Riley all riled up.

Besides the bickering that comes with two, we're also subjected to double the noise. We did a lot of reading of those crazy parenting books, magazines and Internet articles, and were told that talking a lot to your baby will ensure a well-versed, articulate child. They weren't kidding. Holden and Riley just don't stop. The comments and questions are never-ending. Having two chatty children means they just talk over each other. Riley starts to scream if we don't immediately acknowledge his words and Holden gets cross and frustrated, then yells.

The noise isn't limited to the talking. Little boys are loud. Two little boys are REALLY loud, in everything they do. They love to play with cars, planes, fire trucks and such - and all these machines have engines and sirens they love to mimic at top volume. Toys are constantly crashing down, and most make plenty of their own noise. Add to that the constant stream of conversations, and there is never a moment of peace.

Of course, there are some positives that come with having two - lest you think of us as horrible parenting monsters who don't deserve any joy because all we do is bitch. Sometimes, they do play nicely together, which is a real treat to see while it lasts. And their love for each other is real. They won't go to bed without kissing each other goodnight and they love to entertain each other. Riley says, "Dowman, look!" almost as much as he calls for us. Holden puts on his sweet-sounding sing-songy voice to explain how to do something to Riley.

Two can be overwhelming, quickly and often. But late at night, we go into their rooms and see them sleeping peacefully and are reminded why we are parents. The biggest benefit of all is double the love.