Boys Will Be Boys

Stopped at a light, I looked over to the 7-Eleven on the corner. In the parking lot, I saw this: Two groups of people. The first group included a woman, a police officer and a young teenage boy. The woman was standing with her arms crossed and the officer was talking to the boy, who was looking down at his tennis shoes - his backpack just as droopy as his expression. About 10 feet away was the other group. Two women and two backpack-wearing young teenage boys. One of the women was talking animatedly, pointing at one of the boys, then pointing to the one in the other group. She looked pissed. They all did.

I have no idea what happened prior to my coming upon the scene. But I can guess. The boys, they were being boys.

And that scares me to no end.

I'm more used to the female way of thinking, which includes not a whole lot of violence, generally behaving well and happy playing quietly with dolls. Through my experiences as a camp counselor and someone who sits in criminal courtrooms a lot, I think there is a difference between boys and girls. There are, of course, plenty of exceptions. There are some really great men out there and some really horrible women. But, generally speaking and in the most broadest of stereotypes, boys and trouble don't have to look hard to fine each other.

I see them as I drive in the late afternoon. They're jabbing sticks at each other while riding their bicycles, with no helmets, in the middle of the street, eating a lollipop. It's good-natured fun, but it's just so dangerous and careless. They laugh when one veers out of control, nearly meeting the front end of my 4Runner. Why is that so funny???

I don't want to be the kind of mom that doesn't trust her kids to let them venture out on their own with their friends. I hope that Holden and Riley will grow into trustworthy, responsible people. But they're boys.

Sigh. Sigh, sigh, sigh. SIGH.

I already see signs of this dangerous boyness coming through with Holden. It's this combination of boundless energy, curiosity and no common sense. Of course, he's at the low end of the scale of Scary Boy Stuff still, but it's worrisome the way he flings the Mardi Gras beads I gave him yesterday around - ignoring warnings to stop cause I know that he'll accidentally let go and they'll fly right into Riley, sitting nearby. Or the way he runs, everywhere, without looking where he's going until he slams into the wall or a table. Or the way he looks at me slyly while outright ignoring my repeated orders to stay where I can see him, slinking slowly away. Or the way his Legos suddenly start taking the shapes of guns and the way he ignorantly said, "I'm going to kill you" one time when he was frustrated with me for being frustrated with him.



I don't know what the line is or where to draw it. We plan on making the rules as we go on case-by-case, kid-by-kid basis. But there's just this inherent tendency bursting to come out. I think of the boys in elementary school and how they were always in trouble for not paying attention in school or throwing stuff at each other. We girls indignantly hurumphed their behavior, annoyed that they were getting in the way of all this learning and pleasantness. And don't even get me started about the way the boys treat the girls. I shiver to think of the mean teasing that could one day come forth out of their mouths at poor, awkward little girls. And then, and then? The way older boys and men treat older girls and women? Horrors unspeakable.

So for now, they are these boys who aim to please. When Holden gets busted, he feels genuinely bad for his missteps. It doesn't mean he won't do it again. And again. And again. I only hope that somewhere in there, in one of those quiet time-out moments along the way, something clicks. I know they cannot be perfect. I know they will be boys, then men. I only hope we can teach them to please be nice to each other, stay out of trouble, stay safe, use common sense and call her back.