Holden: 16 Years

Holden's 16th birthday is not going as expected. He was supposed to be at a joint birthday party today playing Airsoft with his friends. He is supposed to get his driver's license in a couple weeks. Frankly, he's supposed to be able to spend these days going to school, hanging out with friends, being outside and all the other normal things teenagers do.

But, right now, our world is in the most not normal place it's ever been. We are in the midst of a global pandemic, held hostage in her homes by a thing called the coronavirus in an attempt to "flatten the curve" and slow its spread.

I'm hoping one day Holden, and all of us, will look back at this time with a sense of relief that that terrible thing that happened is over, having gained a better understanding of the important responsibility we all have to look out for each other.

Sure, Holden's disappointed that he doesn't get to celebrate his 16th the way he planned but, in true Holden fashion, he's rolling with it. I'm sure there is even a bit part of him that doesn't mind the weeks - potentially months - of self quarantining and social isolation we've been forced to practice. After all, he's getting to unabashedly embrace his inner sloth and watch as much Netflix and play as many video games as he wants. All day. Every day.

Luckily, he still has his friends to play video games with. And lucky for Kevin and me, he is still responsible Holden, getting his virtual schoolwork done, taking care of his chores (with some reminding) and even going out for runs (begrudgingly).

His sophomore year in high school is going great. He's at a 4.3 GPA and we've started meeting with a college counselor to plan for the next steps. You can see how excited he is about the possibilities and remains steadfast in his interest in computer science or software engineering. He'd like to go into aerospace or do something related to space. When he was a little kid, he wanted to be an astronomer, so this career aspiration doesn't surprise us at all.

He remains involved in the synagogue and is starting to prepare for Confirmation, which we hope will not be canceled. Our Rabbi, who is his teacher this year, told me that Holden has a reputation of being the "reasonable" one in his group. While his classmates sort of tease him about it, he doesn't mind. He knows this time is valuable and will do what he can to get the group back on track in their discussions. He recently went with his class to Washington, D.C. for a social action weekend where they learned about issues such as gun control, women's rights and Israeli-American relations and spent a day lobbying on Capitol Hill. It was an amazing weekend of growth and learning how to find - and use - his voice.

Holden is most excited, though, to get his driver's license and experience the freedom that comes with it. He's a great driver and diligent about practicing. In fact, he asked to spend part of today on a drive. He took Kevin and me to Lowe's for an errand. Then we picked up food and went for a drive on the Palos Verdes Peninsula. Hoping to find a place to park and enjoy the view while we ate, the coronavirus has all places people would go shut off. So we ended up in a parking lot eating our Mexican food. And he was pleased with this - always finding happiness in good food and a fun drive.

Some of my most favorite times with Holden are when it's just he and I in the car, and I will miss those times when he gets his license and doesn't need me there with him anymore. We have the best conversations during these times - anything from politics to his friends. I love hearing his thoughts and insights on everything. Sometimes, his understanding of complex issues surprises me. Sometimes, his views remind me that there is so little he knows, and so much left to learn.

Dear Holden,

You sometimes share stories with us about your friends and their relationships with their parents. As typical teenagers, many of them complain about their parents or fight with them. Not that everything between us is rainbows and unicorns all the time but you, like us, realize we're pretty lucky to not have too many difficult times with each other. Of course, we know you think we nag you about chores (if you'd just do them, we wouldn't have to nag...) and you don't agree with some of our decisions. But, overall, you seem to accept the roles we must play in your life and you do a good job of not letting these annoyances get to you.

You're in the home stretch now. A driver's license soon (we hope), a part-time job, an upcoming junior year that may just kick your ass and, soon, adulthood, college and moving away. This seems like a good time to pause and remind you of a few important things as you careen toward adulthood:

1. Stick with your people. Community and relationships are everything. You can be successful in school and a career, but it is the connections to people that will bring you true happiness.

2. Be polite. Or, more importantly, don't be a dick.

3. Personal hygiene is very important.

4. Be flexible. Understanding that life doesn't always go the way you want will help you move through it with much less drama. Give yourself the option to change your mind. Go with the flow. Don't say "no" too quickly - you never know where the opportunity will lead.

5. Tikkun olam - be one of the world's helpers... it can use a lot of help.

You're in the driver's seat now Holden. Plot your course. I won't always be there to scream "STOP!" as you speed toward a red light, but I'm with you always, your faithful co-pilot through life.

I love you,
Mama